What Lies Beneath

What lies beneath my skin is fear.
Fear that I wont succeed
Fear that I cannot withstand damage
Fear that my ideas are looked upon without care.
Fear that I cannot act upon what I truly feel.

Fuck fear and all it's games and disguises.
I will succeed.
I will withstand any damage inflicted upon myself be it physical or mental,
For I am stronger than I appear.
My ideas are my own, And it is upon my own action that they will fail or be seen without care
These are the fears I can address without consequence.

By my own nature I feel I am a protector, possibly a warrior of sort.
My greatest challenge thus-far in life is to find a way to be that protector/warrior for others when in need and not fear the consequence,
For I can deal with pain and sorrow, But I cannot deal with the pain and sorrow of those closest to me.
I was born in a time where I cannot take action in my own hands and it is left to someone without proper knowledge or emotion of the situation.
For this is the role I have chosen in my past life that has carried over to this life and I cannot act upon it without being seen as a vigilante
For what truly lies beneath is the fear that I have not confronted, And the fear that i'm more capable of my unknown ability

Back in the day

Why can't Saturdays be like the Sundays of yesteryear?
For those that are not in the know Sundays back in the day the only things that were open were church and Chinese food restaurants. Why can't weekends be like that I bet there would be less craziness afoot in the world today And people just maybe healthier(sp?)

But think of it this way back In the day you actually saw most of your family and friends.
Look how that's changed over the last 30 years or so when is the last time you have seen your extended family not counting funerals and weddings.
It used to be common practice.
Big gatherings and dinners with uncles aunts grand ma's and grand pa's etc and friends from the neighborhood all on Sundays.
People used to shut down streets and have a street a cue (whole street BBQ )

Now when's the last time you actually saw any of this?

When's the last time anyone saw or actually knew everyone within at least a 2 street radius of where you lived?

Hell I remember when I used to know everyone that lived around me and there phone numbers from memory.

Now I know no one that really lives around me with exception of a few never mind there phone #'s

Now can I blame some of this on myself?
Of course I can

But as a whole the mass majority of people don't care anymore
Were all robots and sheep the majority of us.
And it's fucking sickening. 

Gone are the days when people where people
Family was family (including friends as family) 

Here's To Freedom...

All though ive never expirienced this

 It is one of things i hope to do before i die and is one of the many images that go through my mind when i think of freedom from the everyday bullshit that we go through in what we call life.

Here's to freedom.

To those that obtain it never falter and join the rest of us in what we call "life".

To the people(myself included) find your freedom & do your best to grasp it as soon as possible.

Because the life that we are "living"now is not living.

We are existing to perpetuate meaningless bullshit that helps next to no one.

Have you ever seen someone try to learn something and all of a sudden it clicks in there head and that they learned something new?Better yet were you the one helping them understand?

That's life right there you are experiencing.

My rants may make no sense to some & they may to others.

They are what you make of it.

I see it as myself growing in a different way and learning new ways and new things im interested in.

So to anyone that reads this i hope i made your brain twitch and turn on and think rather that just get slammed with meaningless nonsense that floods the world today. 

Are you free or do you posses the illusion of freedom?

Have you actually thought if life was predetermined?

How old you get? 

Where you go?

What you do ?

How you live?

Now i personally know people have choices in everyday life.

But what predetermines the situations we run into everyday?

The choices we make through the day?

Is that the answer?

It's a valid possibility.

But then that leaves nothing in life a possibility as a random.

Are people supposed to fail in a whole to learn?

Or do we fail to see how we rebound from the failure?

And during the rebound is it the choices we make during recovery that determine if we rise or fall?

Does that determine on how we as people will respond/deal with success or failure for the rest of our life?

And do the above choices reflect on how we deal with social interaction with each other?

Do family,friends & society influence the choices we make in life for better or worse?

And if they do you really have any choices in life that are your own? 

The Placebo Effect

You know when you feel sick you take medication whether it be over the counter or a prescription from a doctor.
Who says said medicine is actually medicine?
For all the general public knows it could be a mixed bag of ingrediants like sugar,flour etc...
Bring in the placebo effect.
It's amazing on how one feels sick one moment & you pop a pill & almost instantly feel better the next moment.
Even though it's probably no scientifically possible for said drug to digest that fast.
Which brings the question?
Is there any real medicine out there?
Or is it all a placebo effect & the mind is the varying factor telling you your sick and when your ok?
What a tool the mind is.
It can induce pain& suppress it.
It can instill fear or surpass it.
Maybe everyone is bio-engineered & we dont know it & it is hidden from us.
Or is it a placebo feed to is in a form that we do not yet know? 

Goals and Aspirations

Hmm a tricky mistress this is.
Everyone/anyone can have a goal.
I think we are all pretuned from the beginning to do this.
A house with a white picket fence & all that malarkey.
There can be issues with this.
So my stance is not to have goals & aspirations per say but to have ideas.
With an idea you can tweek and change it,But once you set a goal or have an aspiration for yourself and if you never attain it oneself feels like they have failed in one way shape or form.
Ideas are the new future.
You cant get disappointed from an idea there always changing like life.
Unknown and everlasting 

My Own Enemy

It is not death i fear

It is the life that i have created in my minds eye that i have not expirienced is my fear

You are your own worst enemy

You create a false existance and make your self miserable trying to attain your dreamed position

Imagination friend or foe?

A time no longer

I long to live in a time that no longer exists due to the corruption of man and his envy of greed.

This time once partially existed and i fear will no longer ever exist until change is had and a revoulition is formed and the freedom of man is again restored.

The Percentage

I am not a percentage

I am a person that made my own decisions

I am a person that choose to improve myself through schooling

I now have a job that uses said schooling to create or maintain my life

I made the choices to put myself in debt

I try to pay my bills and when i cant or when i pay what i can get scrutinized by companies and creditors

I keep working

I dont stop people from working to revitalize and rebuild the economy

You dont pay your bills 

You protest doing nothing to push the economy further ahead or rebuild it

You create further debt by causing mass amounts of unneeded overtime and spend-ages that can be used in better areas

You need to learn how to be accountable for your decision making

Now is not the time for a rebellion 

A wise man makes a plan to conquer 

while

A clever man conforms to conquer

I am an honest person

I am not a percentage

I am a man with an idea

Belief's long forgotten and uncommon

i may be hated for this post 

but i dont care

i dont exactly believe in jesus or god or whatever have you

but another thought pattern that scrolled(for the higher being instance insert tons of sarcasm) through my mind today was......

say there is another plane of existence among the living world we dont know about call it what you may

if you call it jesus or god sweet for you

but my new idea(i think its my idea maybe it already exists is unknown to me) i like better and im going to roll with it from now here on out

instead of having that faith or belief in jesus god or whichever god you believe in

HAVE IT IN YOURSELF

now that is common sense which most people nowadays dont have

but if you need to believe in a higher being(sounds like im preaching i know im not trying to change anything for anyone im just putting a new perspective on it)

why not think of it as family,ancestors,friends that have passed on that all gather in a huddle and somewhat decide what is good for you(if life is already predetermined) in said instance of time of need

whether its through prayer(shakes head) or from there observation of your existence in said world today(thinks thats better)

i dont aim to anger nor to change people entirely 

i aim to make people THINK of different views and consider new options 

but now that i think about this more 

it is kinda like the viking belief in a way

i guess its nothing new really just a reiteration in times such as these where that practice of religion or whatever you wish to call it is almost non existent

Friends and family

So I had this thought pattern this morning about the people in your life.

How many friendships have you actually made yourself ? 

If you sit down and think about it it is probably only a few.

Now I can see people thinking this kid is a loser he only has a few friends .

Think of how you meet people to begin with .

Then think on how you meet more people because of that person you originally initiated a friendship with .

Now if you apply that, I'm willing to bet that the actual # is under 10.

Now I'm not saying that you are not friends with those associated people but the only reason you know them is because of another.

Now take that # of actuals and it is pretty much your extended family.

And with family situations,intrests and other circumstances occur in your life they are always there to back you in your time of need.

We have all been down that path in one way shape or form 

Think of any situation in your life recent or in the past 

Who knew about it or found out and consoled (?) You about it 

I can come up with 2 of my own 

Both are some what personal 

1. Was my cousins death which hit myself and my whole family by surprise.

But during this I observed and thought everything as I normally do.

Allthough my cousin is actual blood family I never really knew him as well as his friends did.

I only have brief yet awesome memories of him while I was visiting for holidays. 

Be this my own fault yes and I can't really correct it now.

As I sat there during the funeral I was in awe of everyone that came.

I was in more awe of those who were consistantly by my other cousins(his brother) and family side throughout this whole situation.

Stopping whatever was going on in there lives to help them no matter the effect on there lives.

To me that is one of the most meaningfull things that define a friendship in life .

Amongst the other things that occur regularly in your life. 

The imediate thought that went through my head was that this is there real family blood or not.

Call it selfish or whatever you want but this is my feeling throughout the whole situation and nothing will change that .

The other situation was involving only myself and I only told a few people what actually happend to me and what was said/done from the other party involved to myself.

And after hearing what happend at that moment I immediatly had 5 or so people ready to inflict pain and do a lil jail time if it got to that point.

Did anything ever happen? No because I didn't want it to 

The point of this is,

I hope to make anyone and everyone to realize who there true friends are.

No matter what happens they are there for you as family when your blood family is not.

Comparison

Its a shame everyone always says they will never be as smart as someone else.

To a point that is true.

But only for the factor that they haven't experienced what it is that the person they are comparing themselves to.

We all are different. 

It is the experiences in life that define us.

That shape us and mold us.

Stop trying to be equal to someone else and be equal to yourself.

You will find a clear sense of mind and accomplishment you have not seen nor felt.

That is you.

Just be you and no one else.

You may not be perfect.

But remember no one is.

The illusion of perfection is what makes us believe we are better than each other.

If we learn from each other then there is no need for comparison against each other.

A Glimpse

Have you ever had a thought pattern that you were built/made for something better & have yet to find it?
I have that thought often & i think/know when this is found all the other pieces to this puzzle we calll life will be complete as a whole.
A friend of mine once said happiness is a state of mind.
To a degree i side with him but not as a whole.
You cannot replace that feeling with something generic.
Even if you tell yourself to be happy you know something is wrong.
True happiness is unpredictable & can often be a glimpse of what is to be.
I hope to find that one day & i hope the people that matter to me find it as well.
I guess you can tie it in with inner peace as well.Often we desire material things.
 I think tranquility/serenity is what most people desire but the don't acknowledge it or let it be known to the people around them.